Ordered to attend, not ordered to agree.

Being ordered to mediation can feel intimidating, as though the court is forcing a decision on you. It is not. The order is about participation, not outcome, and once you understand that distinction, a referral is far less daunting. In many cases it turns out to be a genuine opportunity rather than a hurdle.

Why courts refer cases to mediation

Virginia courts can send parents to mediation under Va. Code § 20-124.4, most often in disputes over custody and visitation. The reasoning is practical: parents who build their own parenting arrangement tend to follow it better than one a judge imposes, and resolving the matter by agreement saves court time and family stress. So rather than rule immediately, a court may direct the parents to try mediation first.

You must attend and participate in good faith

When the court orders mediation, attendance is mandatory. You are expected to show up and take part in good faith, which means participating honestly and making a real effort to discuss the issues. Good faith does not mean you have to give in, accept terms you disagree with, or pretend to agree. It is about genuine engagement, not a particular result.

You cannot be forced to settle

This is the part that surprises people, and it is worth being clear about. A court can require you to attend, but it cannot require you to agree. A mediator never imposes a decision; the mediator's role is to help the two of you talk, not to rule. If you participate honestly and still cannot reach a resolution, that is a completely acceptable outcome. You simply return to the court process, and you are not penalized for failing to settle.

What happens if you do agree

If mediation does produce an agreement, it gets written up and submitted to the court, which reviews it, in custody matters with the best interests of the child in mind, and can enter it as an order. So a court referral can resolve the whole dispute without a contested hearing. And if it does not, you have lost nothing but the time, and often gained a clearer picture of where each side stands.

Confidentiality lets you speak freely

Virginia generally treats mediation communications as confidential, which means what you say in the room is not supposed to be used against you later in court. That protection is what lets people speak candidly and explore options without fear. There are limited exceptions, so it is worth confirming how confidentiality applies to your particular case.