Mediation is a structured Virginia process where a neutral third party helps you and your spouse work through every divorce issue, in private, on your timeline, with your own attorneys backing you up if you choose.
First call is a conversation, not a commitment.
The mediator's job is not to take a side or hand down a ruling. Their job is to help two people reach an agreement they can both live with.
Most people walk into a first call without a clear picture of what a mediator actually does, or does not do. Here is the side-by-side. The mediator's job sits in the middle, and only in the middle.
Mediation is structured, but flexible. Most Virginia cases follow this arc, though the number and length of sessions vary based on the issues and the people in the room.
Pick a mediator both parties trust. Different mediators fit different cases. Cost and approach vary.
Both parties sign an agreement to mediate, which often includes a confidentiality clause covering what gets said in the room.
Everyone meets together. The mediator lays out the process, the ground rules, and the agenda of issues to work through.
Multiple sessions tackle property, support, custody, and any other open issues. The mediator may meet with each side privately (called caucusing) when it helps.
The agreement gets drafted by counsel and reviewed by each party's attorney before signing. From there, it becomes part of your final divorce.
Mediator backgrounds matter. The right mediator for your case depends on the issues, the personalities at the table, and the level of complexity. Here are the four kinds we work with most often.
A former family law judge who has decided cases like yours from the bench. Excellent for complex cases or when one party needs a strong sense of what a courtroom would do.
Bench ExperienceTrained specifically for family disputes through Virginia-approved certification programs. A common, often cost-effective option for cases where the process matters more than legal firepower.
Process-FocusedA practicing family law attorney who also mediates. Useful when both parties want a mediator who can speak fluently to legal nuances and likely court outcomes without taking sides.
Legal FluencyA therapist or counselor with mediation training. Often the best fit for custody-only mediation, where emotional dynamics and communication patterns drive the case.
Custody FocusUnder Virginia law, communications made during a mediation session are confidential and generally cannot be used in court. The mediator cannot be called to testify, and notes from sessions are not discoverable. This protection is what makes honest conversation possible, especially when both sides have things they would never say in a hearing.
From a single issue to a full divorce, mediation can be scaled to fit. Here is the work we take on, grouped to make it easier to find what fits.
Sell, refinance, buy out, or stay. We help you weigh the options and write the result into the agreement clearly.
Biggest Asset 02Bank accounts, brokerage accounts, vehicles, personal property, and debts. Equitable distribution by agreement rather than by court order.
Equitable Distribution 03Schedules, holidays, decision-making, communication. Mediation gives parents the room to design plans that fit their kids.
Built by Parents 04The guideline number is a presumptive starting point. Mediation lets you address special expenses, schedule details, and timing.
Va. Code § 20-108.2 05Amount, duration, and modification terms negotiated together. Often easier in mediation than in front of a judge.
Va. Code § 20-107.1 06401(k), pension, military retirement, and other accounts divided by agreement. We coordinate the QDRO or other transfer order separately.
Includes QDROsResolving the whole divorce by agreement before any case is filed. Often the cleanest path when both parties are ready to talk.
Before Filing 08Virginia courts can refer parents to mediation under Va. Code § 20-124.4. Attendance in good faith is required; agreement is not.
Va. Code § 20-124.4 09Sometimes parenting issues are the only thing in dispute. Mediation can tackle just that piece without opening up the rest.
Parenting Focused 10One sticking point, one mediation session. A way to break specific impasses without restarting the whole case.
Surgical Use 11Custody, support, and parenting plan modifications often run cleanly through mediation, even when the original divorce was litigated.
After the Decree 12Disagreements that come up years later about schedules, expenses, or activities. Mediation handles them faster than going back to court.
Maintenance Mediation
"Mediation is not the absence of strategy. It is a different kind of strategy, built around what you actually want, not what you can win in court."
You do not strictly need an attorney at the table for mediation. But if the other side brings counsel and you do not, the playing field tilts. We can attend, advise, or simply review the agreement before you sign. The right answer depends on the issues.
Know your numbers before you walk in. Income, expenses, debts, retirement balances, the house, the schedule. The conversation goes faster and lands better when both parties come informed. We help you put together exactly what you need.
A mediator cannot warn you that you are giving up too much, cannot push back on a bad deal, and cannot tell you what the law would do for you in court. That is what a lawyer is for. Use both, and you get the best of each.
Mediation works best with the right attorney in your corner. Here is what we bring to yours.
Decades of Virginia family law work across litigation, collaborative, and mediation.
We attend mediations in this area every week. We know the mediators, the issues, and how to prepare.
Martindale-Hubbell AV Preeminent, Super Lawyers, Avvo 10.0, and Best of the Best honors.
Real reviews from real Virginia families we have stood beside.
"She was very well prepared for any eventuality that could come up. We used most of her preparation too. I happily settled in mediation."
Read what families across Northern Virginia have shared about working with our attorneys.
These are the questions we hear on a first call. If you have a different one, we are happy to answer it directly.
Mediation is a process where you and your spouse work with a neutral third party, called a mediator, to reach an agreement on the issues in your divorce, outside of court. The mediator does not represent either spouse and does not have authority to impose a decision. The mediator's job is to facilitate discussion, help the parties understand each other's positions, and guide them toward agreement. You can mediate all of your divorce issues, or just specific ones, like custody or property.
Not strictly. You can mediate without a lawyer in the room, but you will still need an attorney to draft and review your settlement agreement. Many people choose to have their attorney present in mediation for legal advice, especially on complex financial or custody issues. If your spouse brings a lawyer to mediation, you should too. The mediator cannot give either of you legal advice, even if asked.
Mediation uses one neutral mediator who works with both spouses to reach an agreement. The mediator does not represent either party. Collaborative divorce uses two attorneys, one for each spouse, plus a team of neutral professionals (financial, mental health, child specialist), all bound by a participation agreement that prohibits litigation. Mediation is simpler and usually less expensive; collaborative is more structured and includes a wider team. The two processes can be combined.
Yes. Under Va. Code § 8.01-576.10, communications made during mediation are confidential and generally cannot be used in court. The parties can also sign a mediation agreement that adds additional confidentiality protections. The mediator cannot be called to testify about what was said in mediation, and notes from mediation sessions are typically not discoverable. This confidentiality is what allows honest conversation during the process.
Yes. Under Va. Code § 20-124.4, a Virginia court can refer parents to mediation in any case involving custody, visitation, or support, when the court finds mediation is appropriate. Court-ordered mediation does not require an agreement; the parties only have to attend in good faith. If mediation does not produce an agreement, the case returns to court.
Tell us about your situation and we will help you decide whether mediation is the right fit, and if it is, prepare you for the room. Three offices across Northern Virginia, one phone number.
