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Separation / Custody & Visitation
Custody & Visitation · Virginia Separation
A parenting plan that works for the kids.
In your separation agreement, you set the parenting plan: the schedule, the holidays, who makes the big decisions, and how the two of you will talk. Clear rules now spare your children the back-and-forth later.
The first call is a conversation, not a commitment.
The Short Answer
Custody and visitation in a separation agreement is the parenting plan you and your spouse agree to: where the children live, when they are with each parent, and who decides the big things. Virginia measures every custody arrangement against one test, the best interests of the child, so a court reviews your plan even when you both agree to it.
How It Works
One test, and the plan that meets it.
Virginia does not start from a presumption that one parent matters more than the other. It starts from the child. Every custody and visitation decision is measured against the best interests of the child, and the law spells out the factors a court weighs. When you write a parenting plan in your separation agreement, you are building something that has to meet that same test.
A good plan answers the everyday questions before they turn into arguments: where the children sleep, who has them on which days, what happens on holidays, who decides about school and doctors, and how the two of you pass information back and forth.
The best interests standard
This is the lens for everything. A court looks at each parent's relationship with the child, the child's needs, each parent's ability to meet them, and, importantly, each parent's willingness to support the child's bond with the other parent. A plan that respects both relationships is a plan a court is comfortable with.
Legal custody, the decisions
Legal custody is about who makes the major calls: education, health care, and religion. It can be joint, where you decide together, or held by one parent. Most plans keep legal custody joint and then spell out how you will handle a disagreement.
Physical custody, the schedule
Physical custody is where the children actually live and the day-to-day schedule. This is the heart of the plan: the regular week, the weekends, exchanges, and how you handle a change when work or life gets in the way.
Holidays and special days
Holidays, school breaks, birthdays, and summers need their own rules, because they are the moments families care about most. A plan that names them in advance, often alternating year to year, removes the yearly negotiation.
Communication and the practical rules
How will you share school news, medical updates, and schedule changes? How much notice before a trip? A few clear ground rules on communication prevent most of the friction that wears co-parents down.
The testThe best interests of the child. Every part of the plan is measured against it.
Legal custodyWho makes major decisions on school, health care, and religion. Often joint.
Physical custodyWhere the children live and the regular schedule of time with each parent.
HolidaysHolidays, breaks, birthdays, and summers, usually set in advance and alternating.
CommunicationGround rules for sharing news, giving notice, and handling changes.
The Governing Law
Virginia decides custody and visitation under the best interests of the child. The factors a court must weigh are listed in Va. Code § 20-124.3, and the rules on joint and sole custody sit in § 20-124.2.
Source: Va. Code § 20-124.3 and § 20-124.2. Confirm the current statute and how it applies to your family before you sign.
What Goes In The Plan
Four parts of a parenting plan.
A parenting plan comes down to these four parts. We make sure each one is clear and built around the best interests of your children.
01
The Schedule
The regular week, weekends, and exchanges, plus how you handle a change when work or life shifts.
02
Decision-Making
Legal custody: who decides on school, health care, and religion, and how you settle a disagreement.
03
Holidays & Breaks
Holidays, school breaks, birthdays, and summers, set in advance so there is no yearly negotiation.
04
Communication Rules
How you share school and medical news, how much notice before travel, and how changes get handled.
Worth Knowing
What makes a parenting plan work, or break down.
+ Works
A parenting plan holds up when
- It puts the children's needs first, not the parents' scoreboard
- The schedule is specific, with dates and times
- Holidays and breaks are named in advance
- It says how decisions get made and disagreements settled
- Both parents support the child's bond with the other
− Breaks down
A parenting plan causes conflict when
- The schedule is vague or left to "work it out later"
- Holidays are never addressed
- Decision-making rules are missing
- One parent uses the children as leverage
- There is no clear way to communicate changes
Corrie Sirkin, Esq.Founding Partner
Attorney Insight
An honest word about parenting plans.
"The plans that fail are the vague ones. Specific is kind, because a clear schedule means your kids are not standing in the middle of a fight every other Friday."
Parents often want to keep the plan loose, thinking flexibility is friendlier. In my experience it is the opposite. Vague plans put the children in the middle, because every handoff becomes a negotiation. The kindest thing you can do is be specific: name the days, name the times, name who has the kids on the Fourth of July. You can always agree to flex when you both want to, but the written plan is what you fall back on when you do not.
The other thing I watch for is the best interests test. A court is going to ask whether this plan serves the children, and whether each of you supports their relationship with the other parent. We build the plan with that in mind from the start, so it is something a judge can sign off on and something your family can actually live with.
Questions People Ask
Plain answers about custody.
These are the questions we hear most about custody and visitation in a separation agreement. If yours is not here, we are happy to answer it directly.
Need to talk it through?
Call 571.260.0999 or send us a message.
How is custody decided in Virginia?
Virginia decides custody and visitation by what is in the best interests of the child. A judge weighs the factors in Va. Code § 20-124.3, including each parent's relationship with the child, the child's needs, and each parent's willingness to support the child's bond with the other parent. There is no automatic preference for either parent.
What is the difference between legal and physical custody?
Legal custody is the right to make major decisions about the child, such as education, health care, and religion. Physical custody is where the child lives and the day-to-day schedule. Either one can be shared between parents or held by one parent, and a parenting plan should address both clearly.
Can we set our own parenting plan?
Yes. You and your spouse can write a full parenting plan covering the schedule, holidays, decision-making, and communication. A court still reviews custody and visitation under the best interests of the child, so the plan should serve the children, not just the parents' convenience. A plan built that way is one a judge can readily approve.
Can custody be changed later?
Yes. Custody and visitation are never locked. A court can revisit them when there has been a material change in circumstances and a change would serve the child's best interests. This is different from property terms, which can be final. Children grow and situations shift, so the law keeps the door open.
When You Are Ready
Build a plan your family can live with.
Tell us about your children and how your weeks really work, and we will help you build a parenting plan that fits them and meets the best interests test. Three offices across Northern Virginia, one phone number.